Insomnia and Infomercials

Do you ever get insomnia? I go through bouts of it. 3,4,5 nights in a row of waking up in the wee early morning hours. Mind overload. Thoughts and problems. Big and small. Also, the most inconsequential of musings that I just can't let go of.



Today was one of those mornings. I awoke at 4 a.m. By 5:30 I couldn't take it any longer. I decided if I couldn't sleep, and if my thoughts weren't productive...I might as well make good use of my time.



After letting all the dogs out, I went to work out. Times like these, I am so thankful that I have assigned one bedroom to be "the workout room." I can go in there, turn on the television and do my cardio or weights. All without disturbing any of the other family members who ARE slumbering peacefully. But I digress. Anyhow, I am on the elliptical machine, simultaneously channel surfing when it hits me. Besides exercising, there is nothing better to cure my ills than the infomercial.



During my hour and a half jaunt to nowhere, I found a bevy of self help items...all guaranteed to dramatically improve my life....or I get my money back....minus S&H, taxes, and other miscellaneous fees. ;)



For these stubborn lbs that have made themselves more than at home on my humble frame, I found 6 different weight loss tools and techniques. I can slim down in 6 weeks, I can bulk up while slimming down with the ABC9000000 DVD's, I can target my abs and get a cardio workout at the same time, I can also get my flirt on and loose weight without making it seem like work (and if I call right now I can get my own pole for only $1 extra). I can also join a food club and have meals shipped to my home to keep me fit for life.



While getting slim, I can also concentrate on my beauty. No more feeling like an ugly duckling. I now have the opportunity to have luminescent Cindy Crawford like skin. And if that weren't enough, I can then cover up the luminescent Cindy skin with the barest of minerals to enhance my beauty and give me an airbrushed look!!!



For financial woes, I can invest in real estate. In no time at all, I can turn our debt around and be making more money than I ever dreamed of. If that doesn't work (but WHY wouldn't it???!!!) I can also buy some inspirational, motivational, self sensational DVD's from Tony who will help me achieve the edge in all aspects of my life that are lacking.



Wow! It was such an unbelievable, life changing hour and a half. You have no idea! I would like to say that in a few short weeks I will be slimmer, prettier, wealthier, and an all around achiever; but alas , I lacked the 3 most important life changing items. I wasn't "just sitting there on the couch", so I couldn't "just pick up the phone and call" and I didn't "have my credit card info handy." Guess now we will never know my true potential....such a pity..... really!!!! ;)