Disney 11/15/98-10/01/09

Things quickly turned this afternoon. No schoolwork was accomplished. Disney's health nosedived. He lost his equilibrium and couldn't walk a straight line. Shortly after, he started seizuring. I held him close wrapped in blankets and talked and loved on him, while the seizures came and went repeatedly. I called Ricardo to come home because Poo wasn't doing too good.









With heavy hearts the two of us drove to the vets office. Not a word was spoken on the way there. The vet offered little hope. I knew in my heart there was none. What remained of hope had all slipped away when the seizures started.









All I could do was hold him close to me. The vet gave him a sedative first. I rocked him in my arms for a few minutes crooning my love and remorse to him. He just kept his nose to mine, breathing in my scent. I swear it was like he was trying to suck in as much of it as possible to remember me by. It broke my heart. But, I understood all too well. I was holding on to him so tightly. Memorizing his scent and the soft, silky touch of his hair against my face, the feel of him in my arms.









When I had to lay him on the table to do the injections, I buried my head into his and held his body tightly. I whispered my love to him. And I held him close. I did not faulter. I made sure he knew I was with him until the last second. I held him long afterwards. I thought leaving without him would be the hardest thing I would have to do today. I was wrong.









Coming home to a house without him in it is worse. Every little thing is palpable. It is unbearable. I miss him beyond words. I'm sure as the reality of it all seeps in it will be worse. Jen, you described it perfectly. Raw. That is what it is. Raw heartache. Raw, unconsolable, heartache.