I'm going to call 2010, the year of Reining it in. (It sounds much better than 2010: the year of stress overload. ) "Reining it in." That's the phrase I keep repeating to myself over and over, almost like a mantra of sorts. "Rein it in, Stac. Rein it in."
Weight-"Rein it in!" There are a million excuses, all of them very plausible. Stress, Anxiety, Grief, Lack of time, etc. But at the end of the day. They are still just that, excuses. Meanwhile, the weight doesn't care. It just keeps adding up. Unless, I "rein it in." So that is what I have been doing the past couple of weeks. Trying to find more me time, trying to lose the extra lbs. I read that you must exercise/burn 500 calories or eat 500 calories worth less a day to lose 1 lb a week. That made sense to me. Finally a number and a situation that I can grasp. So that is what I have been doing. I'm down 2 lbs so far in 2 weeks. So, call me crazy, but I think they may be on to something. :) Numerous more lbs. to go....but I'm "reining it in." Or at least trying damn hard to.
Blood Pressure- For the first time in my life my blood pressure is high. Ricardo's blood pressure is also high for a first in his life. Hmmm. Could be a combination of stress, lack of sleep (yes the insomnia again.) financial strain and diet. But, I'm trying to once again "rein it in." I've been exercising, eating healthier, checking my blood pressure 2x a day, and keeping a record of it. I plan on giving myself the month of January to see if I can lower it naturally. If not, I'll refer to a trained physician, since I have never been to medical school. I do know however, that anytime blood pressure exceeds your bowling scores-it's not a good thing. (Even if you are a crappy bowler. ;) As for Ricardo, he is eating healthier, but that's about it. We'll see who's approach is better or if it makes a difference come the end of the month I guess.
Stress- I'm TRYING to get a better grip on that. It's a very hard thing for me. I'm a worrier. That's what I do. I've been waking up at night with my heart racing like mad. Guess it's anxiety coupled with insomnia. I just need to quit stressing about everything and everyone. Easier said than done. Stress is a killer, and I need to be here for my family, so I'm trying to "rein it in." It just seems like such a waste to throw my talent for stressing away though. I've taken stressing to almost an artform at this point in my life.
I tried to alieve one of my worries today. I took brown eyes to the doctor for an exam. With back to back illnesses this summer and fall, he is down 3 lbs. Doesn't sound like alot, but when you are skin and bones-every ounce counts. Even with 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, and added protein powder and vitamins, I can't get his weight up where I would like it to be. He is in the 5th percentile for weight. Way down on the bottom of the charts. It stresses me.
I take it as a failure as a parent that I can't get him higher up despite my best efforts. I've read books upon books on Autism and Finicky Eaters. I've incorperated scads of new ideas and strategies to help him eat more Eat better. He's come a long ways from where he used to be. I'm thankful for that. I just want more. Perhaps an optimist would say "Hey, at least he's on the charts!", and be satisfied. But, I still worry-endlessly. I just want him to be the best, healthiest, brown eyes he can possibly be.
Anyhow, because I try to be a good parent. And because I want him to be the best, healthiest brown eyes he can possibly be. And because I don't want there to be anything overlooked... I had them do bloodwork to see if there are any underlying factors that may be hindering our weight gaining efforts. (ie-hyperthyroidism, diabetes, anemia, etc.) I know. Bloodwork. Ugh. I have been making myself sick over the bloodwork. Worried he would scream, visions of forcefully holding him down have driven me crazy the past couple of weeks. I must say though, he acted stellar. Incredibly brave. No screaming, no tantrums, model patient. He acted waaaaay better than a couple of other girls I recall having their fingers pricked-let alone having a needle jabbed in their arm. He said it hurt, and he wanted to be done-but no screaming, no drama, no tears. Totally impressive! Ricardo and I both were amazed and thrilled. So much so, that he got to go toy shopping afterwards as a reward. Or to alieve our guilt over subjecting him to such a horrendous thing. POtAtO-PatatO.
So, now we just have to sit back and wait for a few days to get the results. I'm hoping for nothing but good news. But I'll still worry without ceasing until I know for sure.
I also feel better having stood our ground on the no more vaccinations (philosophical exemptions, if you will) debate with the new pediatrician. It's good to have that load of stress off my shoulders. The doctor was much more supportive than the receptionist in this matter. She may not have been overjoyed with our decision, but she did understand our choice. And she said if he has had adverse reactions, he shouldn't get more vaccinations. As for the receptionisit, she can go suck an egg! If your child has all their vaccinations, kuddos to you. I applaud you and your decision. I just can't in good faith give mine any more vaccinations at this time. He's had bad reactions in the past. And I'm not going to risk any regression from the great advances that he has made by subjecting him to more vaccines at this point in time. Some people judge those who don't vaccinate harshly. I'm willing to put up with people's judgements. But I also say, unless you've been put in the situation, you just don't know. And until you can guarantee me 100% proof of NOTHING adverse happening, I say "first do no harm." Meaning-no vaccines for us por favor.
In other news: Ricardo is also awaiting news of his own. That is adding to our stress levels substantially at the moment as well. This news could change our lives for the better (we hope), and we could really use better right now. I hate to say more at this time for fear of jinxing it. Perhaps I've already said too much as it is. So never mind. Delete that. Let's just say, we are stressing. Stressing and hoping. Hoping and stressing. Our own little dance version of the two step. Here again, we just need to "rein it in" and see what happens. For better or worse, we still have each other. But can't we puhleeeze just have better????
If you are still reading this post, I commend you for your patience. I know I've been all over the map. Just be thankful you are not living with me. It's dizzying to say the least trying to keep up. I hope to post happy, calmer posts in the days to come. Until then, if you don't hear from me, know that I'm just trying to rein it all in.
Anybody want to take a guess as to what it is? Anybody? Buehler?
